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Bahá'ís understand that the family
is the basic unit of society. Unless this all-important building block is
healthy and unified, society itself cannot be healthy and unified. Monogamous
marriage stands at the foundation of family life. Bahá'í scriptures contain
guidance on properly preparing for marriage, how the
marriage ceremony should be performed, how to keep the marriage strong, and how to deal with a
marriage that seems headed for divorce.
"The Lord, peerless is He, hath made woman and man to
abide with each other in the closest companionship, and to be even as a single
soul. They are two helpmates, two intimate friends, who should be concerned
about the welfare of each other. If they live thus, they will pass through
this world with perfect contentment, bliss, and peace of heart, and become the
object of divine grace and favour in the Kingdom of heaven." ~Abdu'l-Bahá,
Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Bahá, p. 122
Choosing a Partner
Bahá'ís view preparation for marriage as an
essential element in ensuring a happy marriage.
The couple:
"must, however, exercise the
utmost care to become thoroughly acquainted with the character of the other,
that the binding covenant between them may be a tie that will endure forever.
Their purpose must be this: to become loving companions and comrades and at
one with each other for time and eternity..."
~Abdu'l-Bahá, Selections from
the Writings of Abdu'l-Bahá, p. 118
The process of preparation includes a
requirement for parental approval of the choice of a spouse. This does not
mean that Bahá'í marriages are arranged. Individuals propose marriage to the
persons of their own choice. However, once the choice is made, the parents
have both the right and the obligation to weigh carefully whether to give
consent to, and thus guide, their offspring in one of life's most important
decisions. Bahá'ís believe that this requirement helps to preserve unity
within the marriage--and within the extended family. As did previous
Messengers of God, Bahá'u'lláh asks His followers to honor their parents.
Obtaining parental permission for marriage reaffirms the importance of the
bond between child and parent. It also helps to create a supportive network of
parents in the often-difficult first years of a marriage. So-called "interracial marriage" is also
encouraged in the Bahá'í teachings, which stress the essential oneness of the
human race.
Simple vows and ceremony
Once parental permission is obtained, the
marriage takes place, requiring only the simplest of ceremonies. In the
presence of two witnesses designated by the local Bahá'í governing council,
the couple recites the following verse: "We will all, verily, abide by the
will of God." For Bahá'ís, that simple commitment to live by God's will
implies all of the commitments associated with marriage, including the
promises to love, honor, and cherish; to care for each other regardless of
material health or wealth; and to share with and serve each other.
Beyond these simple
requirements, Bahá'ís are free to design their own marriage celebration.
Depending on personal tastes, family resources, and cultural traditions,
Bahá'í ceremonies run the gamut from small to large, including all manner of
music, dance, dress, food and festivity. In some countries it is necessary to
have a civil ceremony first, in others the Bahá’í wedding is accepted as a
legal ceremony. If a Bahá’í marries someone of another religion, then usually
ceremonies will be performed in both religions.
"Nourish continually the tree
of your union."
The true marriage of
Bahá'ís is this, that husband and wife should be united both physically and
spiritually, that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and
may enjoy everlasting unity throughout all the worlds of God.
~Abdu'l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Bahá, p. 118
Neither has the right to
impose their wishes on the other:
"There are, therefore, times when a wife
should defer to her husband, and times when a husband should defer to his
wife, but neither should ever unjustly dominate the other."
~Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 225
As in most religions, the marriage vow is
considered sacred in the Bahá'í Faith. The partners are expected to be
absolutely faithful to each other.
The Faith's emphasis on the equality of
women and men means that the roles of husband and wife within a Bahá'í
marriage are not the traditional ones. Women are free to pursue careers that
interest them; men are expected to share in household duties and child
rearing.
When problems arise or decisions need to be
made, the couple should pray and then consult together as to the solutions.
Consultation is one of the most important laws of the Bahá’í Faith. When
practiced in a spirit of prayer, solutions will be found much more easily.
"The love between husband and wife
should not be purely physical, nay rather it must be spiritual and heavenly.
These two souls should be considered as one soul. How difficult it would be to
divide a single soul!"
~Compilations, Lights of
Guidance, p. 226
Divorce is allowed but discouraged
If the couple has differences that they
cannot solve between themselves, their parents and families will try to help.
They should also turn to their Local Bahá’í Spiritual Assembly for advice and
guidance. They may also wish to seek professional advice. However, if the
couple reaches the point where they feel that they can no longer live
together, they must announce their intention to divorce and then live apart
for one year. During this "year of patience," as it is known to Bahá'ís, all
efforts will be made to help the couple to be reconciled. But, if all attempts
fail, at the end of the year the divorce will be granted, dependent on the
requirements of civil law.
Family
The key purpose of Bahá'í marriage--beyond
physical, intellectual and spiritual companionship--is children. Bahá'ís view
child rearing not only as a source of great joy and reward, but also as a
sacred obligation.
While stating firmly that women must enjoy
full equality with men, Bahá’u’lláh’s teachings also recognize explicitly the
innate differences between the feminine and masculine natures, both physical
and emotional. Bahá'ís understand, accordingly, that mothers have a special
role to play in the early education of children, especially during the first
few years of life when the basic values and character of every individual is
formed.
Since Bahá'ís believe that the soul appears
at the moment of conception, the parents pray for the well being of the unborn
child while it is still in the womb. Education in general, and Bahá'í
education in particular are of paramount importance in Bahá'í families. From
their earliest years, the children are encouraged to develop the habits of
prayer and meditation, and to acquire knowledge, both intellectual and
spiritual.
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